"May you LIVE all the days of your life" - J. Swift

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Call it... Hibernation

That's what it was a year ago anyway: Hibernating from my social life in general. It felt as though my entire focus was on teaching... Wait, it didn't "feel" like that, it WAS like that. It's almost embarrassing to admit how many hours I worked, especially the first half of the school year my first year teaching. I calculated it a time or two, then compared my salary to the lawyers I was competing in hours with, and I realized I must not be in my profession entirely for the bulging paycheck.

People kept telling me that it was important to take breaks and not immerse myself so completely into teaching, that it would cause burnout and would be worse for me and my students in the long run. My only reaction to that was, "How?" How on earth could I do less when I felt like I was only doing what was necessary and still gasping for air. Now... the burnout part: check. That came quickly. But I didn't have time to think about it, so I guess in a way burnout didn't happen. Exhaustion ensued. Emotional, mental, you name it. And where I never watched television much before except "So You Think You Can Dance", suddenly I found myself watching every Jazz and BYU basketball game on television, and listening to the games that weren't. These became my respites. Of course, even that I did while grading papers or planning lessons 90% of the time (The other 10% I watched while exercising). I know, real relaxing, right? But it worked. It still felt like a break. The only break I felt comfortable taking at times. I certainly wasn't willing to make plans with others on weekdays... there was no time for that, but I could grade while watching a game.

Even when things started getting a little more under control, others said I was doing too much. It was mainly teachers giving me this insight because they were the ones who saw me... my car often the last in the parking lot. Even the principal suggested that I take days off (is that a bad sign?). Yet I literally couldn't fathom how I could possibly spend less time than I was putting in because it meant things wouldn't get done which, in my perception, HAD to get done. It wasn't in my persona to wing a lesson I had never taught, nor to let grading pile up, nor to skip planning out the next day (and I never was more than a day ahead of schedule). In my mind, I had to stay on top of things or I literally would get buried. It was what it was. I eventually surrendered to the idea that I'd put in the hours now and live with it; that by my second year the hours would go down a little, by the third year a little more, and maybe by my fourth year I'd be at a normal work-week. I just had to make it through a day at a time.

Well... I'm a year and a half into teaching now, and good news!: My second year has been so much better. SO MUCH BETTER. (Did I mention it has been a good deal better this year?) I have another amazing class. Both years I have genuinely loved the students in my class. Each class has had a different personality and different challenges and has been worth every minute of the time I put into teaching. I wouldn't trade them for any other. I've been blessed... not sure why, but not asking questions. And hoping that this doesn't mean that the "third time's a charm" idea works in reverse as well. Just because I have such a teachable and enjoyable class this year and had such a fun class last year, doesn't mean that next year I will have the antithesis, right? I'm crossing my fingers for another good year next year while basking in the goodness of my class this year.

AND... Hibernation is over. I have been on play mode for a while now. I got my life back. I still enjoy teaching, and the best part: I feel I am a better teacher this year even though I don't put in lawyer-like hours. Sure, I'm still over 40 a week (and probably always will be on average), but I'm at a level that I can live with the rest of my teaching career already. That's good news for me, and for my students. I am able to teach more effectively because of my experience with the curriculum and school procedures and policies, and I am happier at school because I have opportunities to be away from it physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Brigham Young once said "Life is best enjoyed when time periods are evenly divided between labor, sleep, and recreation... all people should spend 1/3 of their time in recreation which is rebuilding, voluntary activity, never idleness." It's about balance. I have that this year.

I watched my first BYU basketball game of the year a week or two ago. I loved it, and I would like to watch more, but I don't have as much time... not because I'm grading or planning (I'd just do those during the games anyway), but because I have been making time to follow other worthwhile pursuits. I have time to spend with people now, time for exercise, time for reading, time to attend the temple each week, time for writing in here if I start taking it, time to do my taxes (why do I love that so much?). While last year I wouldn't make plans with people for a weekday, this year I fill my time up with a variety of evening activities throughout the week AND weekend. So, welcome figurative springtime, I'm waking and living and loving life. I can't believe how blessed I've been this school year, in and out of school itself, and I'm hoping to continue counting those blessing and not ever take them for granted.