What makes it worth the struggle

I don't think I could adequately express my gratitude for the profound friendships I have in my life right now.  I feel in literal awe as I reflect on the love and concern that has been shown to me in the past week especially.  Normally that is felt when a loved one dies, or in some other tragic or heartbreaking event.  That is not what has happened.  I am simply working through a decision that is a difficult one for me to make.  Funny thing is, I have everything I need in my life right now.  Literally.  Friends and family who love me, the Gospel, happiness, peace, good opportunities in every aspect of my life,... I could go on for pages.  NOTHING is lacking.  Except an answer to a question I have... A decision that for some reason is one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made.  And as I've pondered so much and prayed so intently the past few days, I've wondered if half the reason I'm going through it all is not just to recognize the arms I have around me.  Because that is exactly what I've witnessed:

*  A friend who called and talked to me on his lunch hour today about this just because he was thinking of me and my decision.
*  Another friend who, completely inspired in my opinion, came over just when I needed him to, unsolicited, and gave me the opportunity to ask him for a blessing on Sunday.
*  Friends who included me in their fasts this past Sunday.
*  Friends who let me know they put my name on the temple prayer roll.
*  Friends who have sent me texts & emails letting me know they're thinking of me
*  Others who have come over or gone hiking with me because they wanted to take time to listen and share their experiences to help me think through things.
*  Coworkers who have prayed for me, even though some are not very religious.
*  My amazing mom who has taken time to talk with me and pray for me and counsel me :)

Really... it comes down to people consistently being there for me.  Taking time out of their busy lives for "little old me" as they say.  The thing is... (and this is what is so amazing to me about this outpouring): what I'm going through... IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. I get that.  It really isn't.  I mean, not to anyone but me, and yet I have literally been moved to tears by how much love I've felt in such a simple thing. They've shown me how to be.  And if that's what all this is about, it has been worth the entire struggle.

Failure leads to Success

I teach my students something called the Eight Keys of Excellence as part of our character education and classroom management.  It includes stating the keys every day as follows, which we recite as we do hand motions for each key:

Values plus behavior equal integrity

Failure leads to success

Speak with good purpose

This is it! (meaning enjoy each moment)

Commitment, commitment, commitment

Ownership

Flexibility

Balance

We had lessons on each key at the beginning of the school-year, and periodically share moments throughout the year of when we’ve seen these keys in action in and out of our classroom. 

Well, one day we did a simulation that I designed.  In the creation of this simulation, I didn’t communicate something effectively, and also redesigned something that didn’t go well at all…  the combination of mistakes resulted in really hurting someone’s enjoyment of the activity.  In fact, he was in tears for a good half hour.  I felt super bad (understatement).  While it wasn’t all my fault, some if it was directly my fault, and I took full responsibility, and it broke my heart.  I was ready to never do the simulation again (a simulation I spent many hours creating).  As I spoke with the students after the simulation, I apologized for the negative aspects and let them know it was my fault that it hadn’t gone more ideally and that I didn't think I would do it again in future years.  One of my students raised his hand and said, “It’s ok, Miss Durrant, failure leads to success.  You can just change it for next year and it will work out,” after which the other students, including the one hurt, responded in agreement. 

Point happily and emotionally taken.  Thanks, students, for getting how these keys work, so readily offering forgiveness for my mistakes, and reminding me to get back up and make it even better rather than simply admitting defeat and letting it get the best of me. 

A great entrepreneur and a sucker

Continuing my "learnings from a child" section:

I was at my parents’ house one day, home from college, studying for a test.  At the time, no one else was home, and I heard a soft knock at the door.  As I opened the door, I looked down to see a visitor about 4 years old standing with a cup full of berry-type items that had come from a nearby tree, I assume.  He looked up at me and, in his best salesman approach, asked, “Would you like to buy these?  They can be fun and you can throw them at people.”  (The last part was particularly effective :).  I thought, “Just what I’ve been looking for (right?).”  I asked his price, and he didn’t really have an answer for me… I kind of got the impression he didn’t expect to get past step 1 to have to worry about setting an amount.  Well, I told him to wait for a minute.  I went into my former bedroom and found a cup full of pennies.  I grabbed a handful, brought it to the door, and exchanged the pennies for my new artillery.  He very excitedly took the pennies, thanked me and left.  I smiled, and went back to the kitchen table to study further, periodically glancing and grinning at my cup of berries.  I felt good… I mean, he had a sales pitch, took his time to collect the items and really earn that money… and I got to support him.  Yes!  I think I was his first sale of the day (maybe his life), and I felt good that I was able to contribute to a small business such as his. 

About two minutes later came another soft knock.  I thought to myself, “Oh no… I don’t think I want to buy any more things to throw at people, I’m already well stocked as I haven’t yet had an opportunity to use what I already have.”  But I shouldn’t have worried.  As I opened the door, I realize it’s not the same kid.  It must have been his brother.  This child had no cup of berries.  No real sales pitch. Empty handed, this boy just looked up at me and said, “Can I have some money?”

 

Hmm… Not the same entrepreneurial spirit,… but he must know a sucker when he sees one, and, so, I rewarded his efforts somewhat as well.  But, you know, I’ve learned as well… so don’t go asking me for money!  I’m not going to give it to you.  Or maybe I will, but it’s just going to be a handful of pennies. 

The Child’s Mite

And more learnings from children...

A close friend of mine was preparing for a mission, and, knowing the cost of a mission and her family’s lack of money at the time, was discussing her worries with her mother one day.  Her young sister, about 8 or 9 years old, overheard this conversation.  Later, an envelope appeared underneath my friend’s bedroom door.  Inside the envelope was a small amount of money, and a note that read, “It’s not much, but it’s all I have, and I want you to have it.”  It was from this sister. 

This girl got it.  And taught me a lesson that has lasted more than half my life.  Money is a tool to be understood and used for the best purposes.  Not something to be preserved only for our gain.  And the same girl has become a friend who has taught me more lessons than she knows because she does get it.  She understands that people and relationships are more important than any “thing” in life.  She has grown into a woman that I respect and admire. 

Lucky

A question was asked today in relief society… I can’t remember the exact wording, so I’ll put it in my own words: What’s an experience you’ve had with a child that taught you something because they really got it... because they really understood what’s important and good?  One of those things that as adults we sometimes miss or forget?

Being a teacher, these things happen all the time.  But so often I neglect to record them and thus forget them.  So, I’m going to write a few I do remember here over the coming days.  Here goes…

LUCK

One day I was running in the neighborhood, my characteristic three-mile run.  I was kinda in my own world… listening to my music, trying to forget that I was in the most strenuous, uphill portion of this particular route, when I saw a boy of around 6 or 8 years old wave me down.  I didn’t know this boy… I was far enough away from my own street that I had never seen him before.  And, while I normally pressed through this unfavorable part of my run, I slowed to a stop, muted my music, and asked what he needed.  In great excitement, he said, “Come here!  I want to show you something.”  Now, I don’t know about you, but I just couldn’t say, “No, kid, I’m on a strict schedule… gotta keep running.”  Yeah, pretty much like anyone would have done, I decide to humor him and follow him over to his front lawn.  I was the one he humored in the end.  He crouched down, had me do the same, and showed me, among many 3 leaf clovers, a 4 leaf clover… then loudly exclaimed, “I’m LUCKYYYYY!!!”   (and yeah, he carried that second syllable of “lucky” on for a while in the same loud voice).  I celebrated with him for a moment, and eventually continued on my run with a smile on my face that I couldn’t wipe away.  It was a simple but profound moment for me.  Why?  What did that experience teach me?  Well, how about to take time to notice the small gifts around me, the glass half full perspectives in all the simpleness that surrounds each day.  I learned the value of sharing that with others, too.  Because I was grateful to him for sharing his 4 leaf clover with me.  He shared his luck and his spirit at that moment in a contagious manner.  And I was happier for it.  I felt maybe a little more than lucky that I "ran" into him that day.   

Trying to figure out Good, Better, Best

Picture and musings from a moment of pondering in the mountains this morning:

I’ve been struggling lately with the good, better, best concept. (See Elder Oak's insightful talk: Good, Better, Best).

I’ve been doing plenty of "good" with my time.  In fact, my life has been blessed with far more "good" opportunities than I feel I deserve.  Somewhat overflowing with the "good", I've been struggling to find the time to do even the "necessary" some days.  

So... I’ve come to learn the past week through a bit of pondering that this is my challenge right now: When I am presented with a bunch of good, enough to completely fill my days,... am I willing, really willing, to sift through it and follow the "best" ahead of the "better" and "good"?  Especially if the "good" seems more fun and inviting?  Or will I at least seek to know if the "good" I'm filling my time with is also what's best?

Sadly, I’ve figured out that this is my latest trial by failing... a few times.  Or more.  See, while the "good" brings with it many memorable and fun moments and experiences for which I am so grateful, when there could have been something better or best to do in those moments, I have been feeling the rough impact on myself (anxiety, a feeling that something's not right, not knowing what to do,...) and on others (hurt, etc.) in the aftermath.  However, thanks to the idea that there still is a lot of good in my life, perhaps Heavenly Father is still giving me time to learn the intended lesson(s).

I know that our Heavenly Father loves each of us and knows us intimately and the challenges that we face.  He knows perfectly well what we are prepared to learn, and gives us mountains to climb (President Eyring, General Conference April 2012) when necessary, or sometimes hills, or sometimes we just get to learn it on a level walk.  All in an effort to prepare us for unimaginable blessings ahead.

How grateful I am for the atonement that allows us to learn, be taught, be healed, and be prepared.  I was studying today about the balm of gilead, and grateful once again for a testimony of the truest healing balm,... that when things are hard… when struggles and sorrows are great in my life, I am blessed enough to know exactly where to turn.  And by turning there, I find peace.  I find healing.  

Undeserved, but profoundly grateful, I thank my Savior for his loving, continuing, and eternal gift of the atonement, and the mercy of a loving Heavenly Father who provided the perfect plan of salvation, and continual lessons along the way to help me prepare to attain that salvation through the power and blessing of the atonement.

As I keep these things in mind, I have a feeling I will be able to master good, better, best... not through my own power, but through His.... If I submit my will to that true power.

Too Precious for a Price

 

It seems the moments in life that are most precious have so little to do with something to which a price can be affixed.  A friend of mine wrote a song called "The Best Things in Life."  The first verse follows:

Sometimes I like to think about what life has given me,

It’s not the fancy things in life I hold dear to me

It is the things much too precious for a price

The best things in life are not things

One of these precious moments came today when I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday, and I got my own simple gift in return.  She shared a little moment from her day yesterday that made my day today.  I guess the story goes something like this (perhaps I got some of this incorrectly, but the sentiment is there):  

Val, Josh, and Alex were at an event called "Maryland Days" at the University of Maryland yesterday, and at one point Alex (my favorite/only nephew, currently in 2nd grade) asks, "Is this where I'm going to college"

Val:  It can be... you can go wherever you want

Josh: No, you're going here. 

(battle of parents commences... even though both went to U. of Maryland):

Val:  Hmm... No, You're going to Utah State

Alex:  That's right, I'm going to Utah to go to Utah State for college

Val and Josh proceed to tell him that it's going to be quite a while before he can pack his bags to go to Utah for college, where Alex objects:

Alex: Actually, I need to go to Utah for 5th grade

Val:  You're not going to Utah for fifth grade (confused at this point)

Alex: Yes, I need to go to Utah for fifth grade (he's sounding pretty definitive at this point)

Val: Why?

Alex: So I can be in Aunt Cher's class

Favorite moment of the month, right there.  I love that boy...  Wish I was with him a bunch more.  I can't wait for him to come to Utah to be in my class. ;)  Having him as my nephew is one of the most precious parts of my life, for certain!